About 10 months ago, three words
spoken aloud would change my life and the lives of so many others; ‘I am
transgender’. I spoke those words as if throwing out a lifeline, in hopes that
someone might grab the other end and keep me from drowning. I think it is very
important for anyone trying to understand this to realize that prior to
speaking those words aloud they were “not real to me”. It was just something I
knew about myself, something I was unable to accept or share, a secret, that
for the most part was hidden from view.
Below are a few extracts from a work
announcement and from a letter I wrote and read to my kids. I am hopeful that
sharing this with you will shed some light on why being open, honest and being
authentic are so important to me. I do not understand why this is my path and I
may never fully understand, but I have come to accept it and even embrace that this
is my path and my journey. I will do everything I can to approach this from a
place of love, with humility, and with respect. I pray for a day when I may be
able to look back on my life and be proud of the person I am. I believe that
God is not done with me yet and I will hold my head high, my heart higher, and
take every step knowing that God walks with me.
Work Announcement – June 15, 2016
“In that spirit, we would like to inform you, with permission, of an
employee’s transgender transition.
This fall, Miles Burd, who is in the process of gender transition,
will exhibit personal changes in appearance and identity. At that time, Miles will
be referred to as Patricia and all employees are expected to use the correct
pronouns (i.e. “her” and “she”) in any verbal or written communication
references. In addition, Patricia will begin using the restrooms reflective of
her new full-time gender presentation on the effective date which will be
communicated later this summer.”
I had the opportunity to speak
directly to Wilson Tool’s management and work with the Director of HR to put
together a company-wide communication, which was delivered by executive
management to all 800 employees. On Thursday, June 16, 2016, I stood in front
of many of my peers in small group meetings. I was able to share a personal
message with them (I have included some extracts below). After one of the
meetings, Ken Wilson, the founder of the company, was in the parking lot
speaking to another employee, as I approached he saw me and proceeded to walk
towards me, hand outstretched, and as we touched he said, “Give me a hug,
Patricia right?” I smiled, and as we embraced he said, “It is going to be okay;
I am glad that you can now be happy”. I am completely overwhelmed by the
response of my colleagues and I am truly blessed and proud of how Wilson Tool
has responded. I will forever be grateful and I am extremely proud to stand amongst
them.
“Wilson Tool has supported me, and
my family, in so many ways over the years and today I once again look to them
as my family and I face new life challenges. I wish it possible to have been
able to have this discussion with each of you individually but unfortunately
that is just not practical.
As we move forward, I hope for
acceptance and for the opportunity to rebuild, or build a-new, the
relationships we have formed. I realize that for many that may not be possible,
or that it may take time, that things will be different, and you will see me
differently. I hope that we may stand together, as Wilson Tool employees, and
continue to carry on the mission, and together continue to grow an organization
where many future employees will have the same opportunities that we have had
and continue to have. Ken Wilson stated in his 50th anniversary talk that there
are really only two basic guiding principles for Wilson Tool, the first is the
“Golden Rule” and the second is to do it the “Wilson Way” it is through these
principles that I am hopeful for the future.”
On December 20, 2015, I read a letter
to my kids telling them that their Dad is transgender and self-identifies as
female. There have not been many harder things, as a parent, as a father, that
I have ever done. In the letter I attempt to explain to them why saying those
words aloud and living my life openly, honestly, with integrity, and to the
best of my ability, authentically, is my only option. Ultimately, I know that I
cannot and will not run and hide from this; I will not live my life in the
shadows, fretting that this part of me will be discovered; I am just not wired
that way. I have to be able to look myself in the mirror each morning and
believe that I am a good person. A person who knows that they are not without
flaws but who believes that through God’s grace can achieve great things. Not
in an attempt to prop myself up but to carry out the mission that God has planned
for me.
A Letter to my kids – December 20, 2015
“I am transgender and I self-identify as female. I do not say this
lightly or in jest; this is my truth, a truth that I have lived with my entire
life…I cannot and will not apologize for being what I am; I have come to accept
that I am not an abomination. I am a child of God, and even though I do not
know God's plan, I believe he has one for me…”
“I have never been good with verbalizing my feelings. I am writing
this letter so that I can say everything that needs to be said. I have tried to
teach you life’s lessons through my actions. If only one positive comes from
this, I pray that it is an understanding that no one, especially family, should
ever have to hide his or her true selves.”
“I do not know exactly when I knew, but at an early age I was aware
that I was different…There was no internet, and my information sources were
limited to my family, my friends, and my small little world of Parma, Ohio. The
only real life examples that I had were not positive, and I was certain (or at
least it is what I believed to be true) that this was wrong. What I was feeling
was something to be ashamed of, and I, most likely, was going straight to hell.
Therefore, I kept quiet…”
“I have tried to teach you the lessons of life through my example. I
know that I am not the perfect parent; I have made many, many mistakes along
the way. I only want you to be happy, healthy, fulfilled, and to find people,
causes, and things that you can be passionate and proud of. If I pass anything
of value to you, I want you to know that life is about choices and consequences
and that living your life openly, honestly, and with integrity, love, and
respect is the ultimate goal. I believe that if you can do that, then when your
life ends, you will have no regrets, no unfinished business. What kind of lesson
would I be teaching you if I continued to keep this secret from you? In my
eyes, I would be telling you what I believe is most wrong with the world today,
which is, 'do as I say, not as I do!' I would have failed you, and ultimately I
would leave this life with the heaviest of regrets, one that I could never
forgive myself for, one that I would hate myself for, for all of eternity.”
“Your Mom is my everything. She came into my life and freely gave
herself to me, without condition, without pause. She revealed a glimpse of
heaven and gave me hope that someday I would be able to lift my veil from which
I hid. It is through her unwavering love that I now have the strength to let my
truth be free…We have experienced true heartache; we buried a child, and we nearly
lost another. I know our love for each other is forever, regardless of how this
chapter may end...”
“For my family and close friends, I only ask for acceptance. To some I
may never gain this, and again, I understand. Gender is one of those things that
seem to be at such a rudimentary level that it should never be questioned. You
are the gender that you were born, and this is typically the first thing ever
revealed about you; it is a boy! It's a girl! Right?...”
“For my friends and colleagues, I do not know what happens next. I
never meant to deceive you in any way. Until I was able to accept this truth
myself, it was not possible for me to share. I do not know where this revelation
leaves us. I hope that we will have the opportunity to continue to share parts
of our lives together. You are all important to me…but in the end, I am what I
am.”
“Once breathe has been given to them and the pen has spilt-forth upon
the paper, the words cannot be unspoken, I now place myself into thy hands...”
With unconditional love and respect,
Miles Patricia
